Jan 28, 2006

The Rookie

My daughter and I were watching “Cops” the other day.  Now, you might ask, “Why is Dave watching Cops?” Well, watching the boys in blue chasing down bad guys never gets old; plus, it’s a bit of an ego booster to have my daughter turn to me all the time asking, “Did he do that right?  Would you have done it that way?  How would you use your nightstick, Dad?”  I would then spout some wisdom about running, chasing bad guys, and all the times I have done it.  

Then there was the episode of Cops that had a rookie police officer being subjected to a practical joke; my daughter asked, “Did they ever play a joke on you when you were a rookie?”  Ouch, there goes the boosted ego with just one memory:  

The year is 1983; Regan invades Granada, “Gandhi” wins the Oscar, but “Star Wars: Return of the Jedi” is king; but most importantly... I get married to the lovely woman you see me holding in the previous post.  Also in that year, yours truly gets a job at the local PD, and is soon cutting a dashing figure in his new blue uniform.  Officer Eikenberry is my training officer, and one of the first things he does is take me into the local cowboy bar at noontime.  Now for those of you who do not live in the west (not including Southern California), a cowboy bar at noon is going to be a very depressing place.  It is filled with old (my age now), toothless, alcoholic women who were the epitome of “Rode hard, put away wet.”

We walk into the dank, smoky bar, and Officer Eikenberry gets everyone’s attention; “I am here to introduce to you one of our new officers; here he is- Officer Dave!”  Being new, I was more than happy to puff my chest out and strike a heroic smile in front of these citizens.  Just at about the time that the sparkle would be gleaming from my teeth, Officer Eikenberry announces to the drunken women, “And Officer Dave wanted you ladies in particular to know, today is his birthday!”  Huh?  Today was not my birthday; I turned to explain this mistake to my training officer, only to see him with a Cheshire cat grin on his face.  

It was then I noticed that the women were rising from their table and lurching towards me, like a scene from a bad Zombie movie; but instead of chanting, “Brainssss...” they took up they wail of “Birthday kissss...”  I thought about drawing my sidearm, but I’m not sure mere handgun ammunition would stop these succubuses’s from sucking my life away with their beer-laden breath.  I ended up ducking left and running out the front door, with everyone (but me) laughing, and Officer Eikenberry doubled over and hardly able to breathe.  

I got Officer Eikenberry back for that humiliation; oh ya, I got him good.  From that point on, whenever he ordered me to get him coffee, I gave him decaf.

PS:  The sour expression is obviously because this photo was taken AFTER Officer Eik's prank.

15 comments:

bgilmore725 said...

He's baaa - aack! Detective Dave, good to have you back telling your stories again. I want to put a link to your journal in my Other Journals. May I? Actually, I already did, but if you say the word, I will remove it. Thank you. Bea

ladeeoftheworld said...

I can just see the puffed out chest.........I am laughing so hard!

(Oh yes....and as for the disclaimer asking me to come back in 10 minutes after you have done spell check and the final draft...........no way!!!   LOL!  Other people's mistakes have very soothing effect on my soul!)

ally123130585918 said...

Dave I feel really pleased I actually got your pictures so could see what was going on...havn't been able to get them lately...I expect your daughter thinks you are great anyway what ever happens. can just imagine them ladies bearing down on you and you running away that wounld be a site for sore eyes...you take care and watch them ladies of the night and officer Eiks pranks...lol   Ally

lv2trnscrb said...

Love it......especially getting good old Office Eikenberry decaf; serves him right.

betty

mumma4evr said...

poor young Officer Dave!  LOL
Becky

suzypwr said...

1983? I wonder if those succubi would look better to you now.

Remo sent me.

suzypwr said...

ps - I used to own a Fiat 124 Spyder - is that what you have?

dawngepfer said...

The expression on your face in the picture is priceless and the story is great.  You always make me grin.
Dawn

shayshaydc said...

I like to watch cops to!! You look real nice in your uniform but the facial expression sorta takes away from that!!!! Glad you got him back though!!!! http://journals.aol.com/shayshaydc/Golfaholic
Sharon:)

jevanslink said...

I want to create a show called PRODUCE, so that people who wear aprons and sort fruits and vegetables can sit with their kids and talk about how they tell the difference between a winter and a summer squash. Okay, it's not as exciting as COPS. But we could have a couple of members of local law enfrocement come in to use the salad bar at lunchtime and watch the excitement ensue when a selfish customer takes the last of the tomatoes.  

BTW those scary forty-something babes in the bar were twenty years younger than I am. So things could have been worse.

Mrs. L

psychfun said...

Thanks for making me feel so great...heading to 41 in March...at least I'm not in their shape! HA! I guess it is always perspective! :-) Ok, so now what pranks do you play on the new rookies then????

ally123130585918 said...

I enjoyed your entry as usual  ..and your Wife is Lovely.....but that was a mean trick to play on Officer Eikenberry giving him Defaf...Very MEAN....lol.....Ally

dragonrose3911 said...

awwww......  :( thank God you got out before you were kissed by those women...lol

screaminremo303 said...

Well done. Payback is a...well, you know.

sunnyside46 said...

those poor old women that just wanted to kiss your handsome face!
Marti