Usually when people try to commit suicide, it's not funny. However, a report crossed my desk today that had me about doubled over with laughter. Detective Mendoza asked what was so funny, and I told him about this case, to which he responded, "You gotta blog about that!"
Yes indeed, you all must hear this:
Evidently a guy was depressed, because his girlfriend left him for his sister- so he got drunk. The more he drank, the more depressed he got. He then made a call to his mother, asking her to pick him up at a local mini-mart. However, she sent his sister, who arrived in her car.
Seeing his sister was the last straw; in a fit a suicidal rage he pushed the sister down, grabbed the keys to her car and roared out of the parking lot. Accelerating at full speed, he aimed the car for a very large phone pole, intent on ending his own life. The car crashed dead-center on the pole, shearing the pole off and deploying the very intricate (and safe) airbag system of a brand new Volvo. He then jumped out of the car (which was now totaled) completely unharmed, and ran to a nearby arterial. There, he leapt out in front of the first car he saw speeding down the roadway. The car hit him; however it was a lowered, customized Honda, and it just flipped him over the vehicle, breaking the windshield. He got back up, still unsuccessful at doing anything more than giving himself a strawberry on the hip, and ran into the path of the next car. This car was a Nissan 300Z, it again only flipped him over the windshield, doing about $1000.00 damage to the hood, but only breaking his ankle.
He was then taken into custody and charged with Assault, Auto Theft, Reckless Driving, Hit & Run and 2 counts of Vandalism. After the ankle was taped up, he was taken to the County Jail and placed on "suicide watch," which means they strip you naked and place you in a rubber room.
I can't figure out if it was a case of bad luck or good...