Aug 4, 2006

If You're Not Dead... Try Again

    Usually when people try to commit suicide, it's not funny.  However, a report crossed my desk today that had me about doubled over with laughter.  Detective Mendoza asked what was so funny, and I told him about this case, to which he responded, "You gotta blog about that!" 

 

    Yes indeed, you all must hear this: 

 

    Evidently a guy was depressed, because his girlfriend left him for his sister- so he got drunk.  The more he drank, the more depressed he got.  He then made a call to his mother, asking her to pick him up at a local mini-mart.  However, she sent his sister, who arrived in her car. 

 

    Seeing his sister was the last straw; in a fit a suicidal rage he pushed the sister down, grabbed the keys to her car and roared out of the parking lot.  Accelerating at full speed, he aimed the car for a very large phone pole, intent on ending his own life.  The car crashed dead-center on the pole, shearing the pole off and deploying the very intricate (and safe) airbag system of a brand new Volvo.  He then jumped out of the car (which was now totaled) completely unharmed, and ran to a nearby arterial.  There, he leapt out in front of the first car he saw speeding down the roadway.  The car hit him; however it was a lowered, customized Honda, and it just flipped him over the vehicle, breaking the windshield.  He got back up, still unsuccessful at doing anything more than giving himself a strawberry on the hip, and ran into the path of the next car.  This car was a Nissan 300Z, it again only flipped him over the windshield, doing about $1000.00 damage to the hood, but only breaking his ankle. 

 

    He was then taken into custody and charged with Assault, Auto Theft, Reckless Driving, Hit & Run and 2 counts of Vandalism.  After the ankle was taped up, he was taken to the County Jail and placed on "suicide watch," which means they strip you naked and place you in a rubber room. 

 

    I can't figure out if it was a case of bad luck or good...

20 comments:

mindercella33 said...

Boy oh boy! This guy either has the best or the worst luck in the world. After all that and he is still alive with nothing but basically a broken ankle and probrably a very sore body when he sobered up.
I can get his depression, I mean your woman leaves you for another man at least you have a fighting chance of winning her back, lol. When your honey leaves you for your sister, I say there's not a heck of a lot a guy can do,lol.
I sure hope things start looking up for this guy after he pays he's fine and damages, roflmaooooooooo. Sorry, I just can't help it.
              Cyndy, Mendota

psychfun said...

Actually when you think about...I mean I'm obviously not a guy so my perspective may be wrong but I would think leaving for another guy you may think you are not masculine enough or your ego gets hurt, that this new guy is better than you or better in the sack etc. Leaving for a woman you think well she doesn't like any guy so not my fault. Is that wrong? I mean if a guy left me & went with another guy, well...first I'd be like, "What did I miss", though I'll say I've been shocked (although shouldn't be) when I've been talking with a big muscle dude even & then find out he is gay...but then I'd be well he isn't into women (sorry bad pun!) so I wouldn't feel as bad as if he left me for another woman.

Now the suicide failure I'd take as a sign from God that he is meant to still be here...there is more for him...well other than everything he has to deal with now. Heck, maybe he'll meet a nice woman through the process of all that. Life is sure strange sometimes! Heck, he'd probably be on Oprah with a book in a few months! HA!

I wonder how long this guy was with this woman. That is what is so hard...you have to give your whole heart to experience love & receive how wonderful it can be, but when you do, it makes you totally vulnerable to get so incredibly hurt. If you choose not to, you can't experience love. Sigh!

mosie1944 said...

Unbelievable, and just one more instance that proves truth really IS stranger than fiction.

pminthepm said...

There's a guy who's gal dug on his sister,
And his story becomes quite a twister!
His intent ... self-destruct,
but his plan went amuck.
He survived with just barely a blister!

Hee hee!  Patty

screaminremo303 said...

"Gloom, despair, agony on me,
 deep, dark depression, excessive misery,
If it weren't for bad luck, I'd have no luck at all,
Gloom, despair, and agony on meeeee..."

I really miss Hee-Haw.

demandnlilchit said...

Just not his day huh??? lol

ladeeoftheworld said...

Bad luck or good luck......it's just plain funny.  One of my patients tried to kill herself this week by holding her head under water in the bathtub.  It didn't work.

onestrangecat said...

poor fella.  happy he is alive, but you gotta feel sorry for him.

Kathy

shadierush said...

Funny funny funny... Youv'e got to love God's sense of humor!
Shadie

coldheartfemale said...

That is one crazy story....people never cease to amaze me......

Stay safe and watch your 6 friend.........

http://journals.aol.com/coldheartfemale/ThinBlueLine/

mllevl said...

Poor guy ........ and poor car drivers who hit him accidentally!  Bet they had a few sleepless nights too!  

dragonrose3911 said...

lol. I dont know if I should feel sorry or happy for him ya know? I mean, he wanted to die so you have to feel sorry for him that he didnt succeed, but then this is all temporary and he will learn to get over it so you have to feel happy that he didnt die and gets a second chance to relive life.  Anyways, I havent been around Jland much. Sorry :( But I'm back and I'm back to updating as well. Thought I'd let ya know that and I wanted to stop by to see what you've been up to as well. lol
Felicia
http://journals.aol.com/dragonrose3911/PIT

shayshaydc said...

Obviously it wasn't his time!!!! LOL.... I wonder if he was able to move the next morning???? I'm sure he had to have been a bit sore!!! http://journals.aol.com/shayshaydc/Golfaholic
Sharon:)

tpiez4me said...

Why oh why are these types still roaming..............?

whatafinegrl said...

In a twisted way, this is very funny.
Brandie

zosche973 said...

LOL! WOW What a story! Or  I should say, case! That's exactly why your on my alerts, you always have something interesting to write about! Keep up the
good work! ~Diane~

knowinggodaspapa said...

RLOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!laughing sooo hard....I guess its just wasnt his time to go.....Hello to you, I just found your journal on Bea's list and now I'm convinced I wont sleep for days,,,lol...what a great list of journals for me to explore....WAY cool! I write Chritians short stories and have a news blog...but I so look forward to reading more on your journal....Blessings Raven

shayshaydc said...

Hey Dave........... where are you at?????????? I miss your stories!!!!! I know you ae busy but give us something!!!! LOL..... I'll be waiting!!!! http://journals.aol.com/shayshaydc/Golfaholic
Sharon:)

chasferris said...

It is Sept 28 and no entry since Aug 5.  Should we check the morgue for YOU? Are you OK?

winivere2002 said...

Your entry made me realize how much I miss the excitement of my previous life. I do so miss investigations and dealing with the mentally ill. After 20+ years of working at the 24/7 life, I took a different turn, but I thank God that, like you, at least I have stories to tell! Stay safe!