It seems that I have been very negligent about keeping all of you entertained over the past few months. Sorry that I have been distracted; I just had shoulder surgery to repair a “slap” rotator cuff injury. I don’t know what a “slap” injury is specifically, but I can tell you it was NOT given to me by my wife.
Anyway, I have four holes in my shoulder, and am taking some very nice Oxycontin pills that make me feel fuzzy, but do keep the shoulder from hurting. I also have to wear this really stupid looking foam wedge-sling thing; it keeps my right arm pointed out at a 90 degree angle to my body, just about waist level. No one can figure out what I have my arm in… is it a sling? A holster? Some sort of pack containing stolen goods? Whenever I walk into a store, “Loss Prevention” is on me like Lindsay Lohan on a laxative margarita.
The arm position has also caused me some grief with my wife and 21 year-old daughter, both of whom don’t appreciate a drugged-up man in pajamas, who is not sure of his arm clearance, walking around with a fist jammed out at bust-level. I can assure you that I have tried my best to avoid “confrontations” with my wayward appendage, but accidents do happen.
The only real cool thing about this mess is that the doctor told me that this is a typical surfer’s injury. It is so cool that I have a surfing injury… it’s sort of like a fencer having a dueling scar on his cheek.
I have three months of “light duty,” and then I should be strong enough to return to full duty, which for a detective is the same as light duty, except that you can lift the glazed donuts without assistance. My sergeant has assured me that everything will go smoothly without me, I’m sure he is right…
time for more little white pills.