Dec 19, 2005

Creative Writing 101

I think that cops do make for great writers, as has been suggested by a reader.  It’s all the practice we get writing reports that sanitize some of the... ah... distasteful things we have to do. 

The best one I read had to be from Officer L.; he was running after a wanted guy one night, when the suspect turned and threw a punch at him.  Officer L. then took out his baton, and later wrote what followed: 

“...After the suspect struck me in the left shoulder, I applied my baton to his left thigh.  The suspect then balled his right hand again into a fist and pulled back, as if to throw another punch.  I then applied the baton to his right torso, and then I applied it to his right forearm.  He turned to run and I then applied the baton to his right calf.  He then went to the ground and complied with instructions.” 

Now understand, I got no problem with what Officer L. did; but “Applied” the baton?!  What is it, a soothing balm? An ointment? A fragrant layer of anti-perspirant?  I just think the real crime is that police often become afraid to explain exactly what they did, in plain language.

I’m sorry, I did not want my writings to be full of complaints or soap-box rants. 

Something funny... ok... I do recall an “Indecent Exposure” report from an officer who could not spell very well; he claimed to have contacted a very intoxicated woman who showed him, “...Her Virginia.” I could only suppose she had a postcard from Richmond.

16 comments:

bamawmn46 said...

Yes, it is a shame we can no longer 'Just State the Facts' as they really are.  We have become a society where everyone (including the bad guys) has to feel good about themselves or protect what they have to do in order to stay in their professions.  BTW, I will never be able to think of Virginia the same way!  LOL
Jackie

jevanslink said...

Oh great, my stepmom's name is Virginia. Put a sock in it Virginia will never have the same meaning for me.  Mrs. L  

sieblonde said...

It will be interesting written from your perspective whether it's a rant or not.  That's what journals/blogs are all about and why we enjoy them.  A chance to see life through another person's eyes.  ~Sie  http://persnicketypfft.blogspot.com/

lacaza3 said...

a virginia....Ha that is funny....
Donna in TEXAS

carolhehe said...

Well Gee! Officer L did apply the baton. LOl He just didn't say how hard he applied it. Sounds like he was trying to be politically correct. Maybe the guy describing Virginia was too!ROFL

screaminremo303 said...

Guilty as charged. But don't you think "I issued a fluid shock strike to his quadricep muscles" sounds better than "I was trying to hit him in the nuts, but the asshole turned at the last minute and I only got his leg"?

Potato. Poe-tah-toe.

Where's my CLP?

jouell3935 said...

LMao...Well maybe that is his 'name' for it, lol...Men are Johnson and whatnot...

Applied does sound more PC than the actual action...

coldheartfemale said...

Nice to see you in J-Land. I am happy to see that you were chosen as this weeks editor. Your blog is pretty cool, I know for a fact it will make for some great reads in the future.

Now, about the Cop who said the intoxicated woman showed him her Virginia, LOL way too funny. Was it a tattoo on her leg or arm? LOL. Her Virginia, I will be laughing for days! Sometimes Cops just can't spell (or don't feel like it) It's so true and sometimes no one can spell or was that speel?? HAHAHA!!

I have added your journal to my other journal links (hope you don't mind). Stay safe and Vest Up My Brother........

http://journals.aol.com/coldheartfemale/ThinBlueLine/

>;0)~

Myra

ally123130585918 said...

You are just great - LOL at your entry - I don't always understand American Humour but that was soooooooo funny.......Ally

njmom72 said...

LOL @ "applied" and Virginia...another awesome entry!

~ Susan
http://njmom72.blogspot.com

newhope8 said...

The Use of the word "Applied" only goes to show that Police officers have Their own Sense-of-Humor ; not, unlike how Doctor's think differently, or how a Waiter would describe some thing funny. Different Jobs give us different Ideas on what's funny.  That latest "Video Scandal" in the News, from the police up in SF, has been disproportionally talked-up as Racist,Insensitive,Crude, etc.  ; But, ya' know, people don't  "Get-It" because It was made with the Sense-of-Humor Police have to develop to deal with All the Insanity in their world. The many gruesome things They have to face causes them to develop a way to cope with their reality & Their World. Let's just get along & be more human rather than judgemental. ( See my world,too : journals.aol.com/newHope8/thePossibleDream )

psychfun said...

hey...isn't that a crime mentioning a "baton" & "Virginia" in the same posting?! Freud would have a field day with this one! ;-)

joshcb3 said...

lol lol lol

sunnyside46 said...

that's great Yes, Santa , there is a Virginia.
Marti

lurkynat said...

very funny lol lol ilmao
natalie:)

shayshaydc said...

Way too funny!!!! http://journals.aol.com/shayshaydc/Golfaholic
Sharon:)