I think that cops do make for great writers, as has been suggested by a reader. It’s all the practice we get writing reports that sanitize some of the... ah... distasteful things we have to do.
The best one I read had to be from Officer L.; he was running after a wanted guy one night, when the suspect turned and threw a punch at him. Officer L. then took out his baton, and later wrote what followed:
“...After the suspect struck me in the left shoulder, I applied my baton to his left thigh. The suspect then balled his right hand again into a fist and pulled back, as if to throw another punch. I then applied the baton to his right torso, and then I applied it to his right forearm. He turned to run and I then applied the baton to his right calf. He then went to the ground and complied with instructions.”
Now understand, I got no problem with what Officer L. did; but “Applied” the baton?! What is it, a soothing balm? An ointment? A fragrant layer of anti-perspirant? I just think the real crime is that police often become afraid to explain exactly what they did, in plain language.
I’m sorry, I did not want my writings to be full of complaints or soap-box rants.
Something funny... ok... I do recall an “Indecent Exposure” report from an officer who could not spell very well; he claimed to have contacted a very intoxicated woman who showed him, “...Her Virginia.” I could only suppose she had a postcard from Richmond.