Apr 26, 2006

Respect... at last

I have been a cop for 24 years.  During that time I have saved lives, arrested criminals, and placed my life on the line for others.  For the past 15 years I have been on the SWAT Team, rising to the position of lead instructor in the state's sniper school.  During my time as a detective, I have investigated many murders, placing several killers behind bars. 

However, today I received more recognition, accolades, and respect than during all my years on the job.  Today I accomplished something that had everyone congratulating me; that's right, my name was on everyone's lips today.  Detective Sigler told me that I was, "The pride of the detective division." Detective Hammie wrote my name on the case whiteboard next to my accomplishment.  People came all the way from the City Jail to ask me if I had really done the impossible.

What did I do?  Was it rescue a child?  Did I take a bullet for the governor? Cure cancer? No.

I ate 10 pretzels in under a minute.

I blew away the old record of 8, set by some of the jail staff yesterday.  It's pretty hard here on top; everyone is now gunning for me, wanting me to do the feat again or wanting to top my record themselves.  I think I could make some money on writing a "How to" book;  telling everyone (who gives me $19.95) the secrets of chewing, and then swallowing without spit. 

Well, top of the world one minute, forgotten the next.  Such is the life of the professional pretzel eater. 

15 comments:

ally123130585918 said...

10 pretzels in under a minute Dave ~ this makes your other achievments fade into insignificance lol ~ Ally

lanurseprn said...

TEN pretzels in less than ONE minute??  You've worked long and hard to be able to achieve this goal!! Congrats!! LOL!!
Pamela
http://journals.aol.com/lanurseprn/Times of My Life, One Nurses Story/

My journal is now private. Let me know if you want me to add you to the readers list.

psychfun said...

You mean those soft big pretzels like Auntie Anne's Pretzels? UGH...there goes that wetsuit! At least tells us you worked out harder! :-) I tell you...."Boys!" Sigh! HA! I wonder how many Mr. Billboard can inhale? :-)

OMG...I'm sorry, I'm watching the rebroadcast of Jay Leno & he has new inventions...breast implants hooked up to the clapper...good god!

Ok, I've lost all train of thought now....later!

mllevl said...

Hahahah what the heck is a pretzel??  Something like a skinny bread roll....with seeds on top???  When I read you were in receipt of such accolades from your colleagues I thought you had delivered a baby on the pavement     ..helping a distressed mother.......Hahah I should have known better!!!  Stay safe.  Eve

mastersblynn said...

I can't believe you are still talking to us after that feat!  What an accomplishment!  You make us proud! Barbara

pminthepm said...

It's sooo good to have you back, PretzelMan!  Thanks for taking the time to entertain all your faithful readers!   Patty

screaminremo303 said...

Fame is what happens while you're waiting for the next case.

Enjoy it, Pretzelboy!

jevanslink said...

Yeah, reallly.  How big were those pretzels anyway?  Were they the big sticks? Or the Aunt Annie's which are even bigger?  Inquiring minds want to know.    Mrs. L

mumma4evr said...

lol...good job!  
Becky

tpiez4me said...

You are da MAN!!!!!!!  See?  It's the simple things in life that are gratifying!  Welcome back to j-land.
Sharon - http://journals.aol.com/tpiez4me/CoastalComfort

demandnlilchit said...

10 pretzels in under a minute? Without BEER?????  IMPOSSIBLE! lmaoooooo

ladeeoftheworld said...

Soft or hard?  There's a difference you know.

suzypwr said...

Everyone has a talent; glad you found yours!

xoxo

shayshaydc said...

Well you know there is never enough money in law enforcement so one usually has to get a second job!!! Now which one is full time and which one is part time???? LOL.... http://journals.aol.com/shayshaydc/Golfaholic
Sharon:)

firstandfour said...

And all I had was a mustard sandwich