A while back I stopped at home for lunch. As I walked in the front door, my wife zipped passed me, telling me she had to go to the store and pick something up. I gave her a quick kiss and off she went, while I went to look for something to eat. By the time I had made it to the refrigerator, and started to drink straight from the milk carton (my wife was gone, remember?), I heard a loud "screeeetch" followed by a crash. I wiped off the milk moustache and ran outside; there I saw my wife's car, bashed in the middle, obviously having just pulled out of my driveway, right in from of someone driving down the road.
I got into my police car and positioned it to block traffic, then called for a traffic car. While we waited, I did my best to comfort my wife, who was crying and very upset that she had just caused an accident. Everyone was ok, the damage had not been that great, but my wife felt as if she were the captain of the Titanic and the Exxon Valdez all rolled into one.
Traffic Officer Rick showed up, looked at the obvious indicators of fault, saw my wife's car and her (from behind) sobbing in the driver's seat. He walked up to me, pointed to my wife and whispered into my ear,
"Another stupid woman driving with her head up her ass."
Just then my wife came out of the car and said to me,
"Honey, will he need to see all the paperwork?"
Officer Rick's face went white, then red, his jaw opened and shut a few times, then started stammering something that went like,
"Wi-wi-wi-wife? I-I-I-I sss sor sor sorry D-D-D-Dave I-I-I didn't kn-kn-know."
Having been an experienced veteran at the foot in mouth thing, I smiled at Officer Rick, held up my hand and said,
I was just glad it wasn't me.... that time.