Mar 7, 2006

Sort of a Murder

     Two cousins, both in their 40’s, both drug addicts, were living at mom’s house.  After a day of smoking pot and drinking beer, they started arguing over who was the biggest loser; and I don’t mean who lost the most weight. 

     The yelling consisted of such academic repertoire as,


“You’re the loser!”

“Shut up!” 

“You shut up!”  Obviously, Rhodes’ scholars. 

     One cousin, having had enough of the witty verbal jousting, rose from his pile of dirty laundry, staggered over to the other cousin, and punched him in the nose several times.  The injured cousin, who was also suffering from multiple health problems, including a failing liver and lung disease, bled so much mom decided to call 911- two days later.  An ambulance came and he was taken to the hospital.  Three days later the cousin died. 

      I first met dead cousin at the Coroner’s Office.  We were pretty sure one of the many health issues had finally caught up with the cousin; but because there had been an assault, we decided to autopsy him.  The pathologist was dubious that the death could be attributed to the assault, telling me as much as he made the first incision.  However, as soon as he sliced open the lungs, he called over to me,

“Hey look at this!” 

Doc then stuck a gob of very bloody goo under my nose.  I looked closely at the hunk of goo and gave him my very most intelligent-sounding,


He told me,

“I guess this makes me a Kerry flip-flopper.”  I had no idea what a lump of bloody lung had to do with politics or the then-democratic candidate for president.  Doc then explained that the goo was blood from the injury that had congealed in the lungs, because the lungs were too weak to expel the fluid. 

      The cousin was arrested and booked for Manslaughter, but the prosecuting attorney just about passed a gavel when he read how skinny our information was.  He released the cousin, having determined that there was no way he would be convicted of manslaughter.  I wasn’t upset... it was a long shot, but what can I do?  It then came to me- charge the cousin with Simple Assault!  I wrote up a ticket and booked the cousin on 4th Degree Assault, a misdemeanor crime. 

     I then presented the municipal prosecutor with the case, which was originally prepared as a murder case, having full transcripts, indexed reports, and complete forensic reports.  He looked at me as though I had handed him the Holy Grail, 

“If all my cases were prepared like this, we’d never lose!”  Don’t hold your breath, Mr. DA man, unlikely we will put 200 pages and 100 man-hours of work into some poor slob shoplifting a condom at the 7-11. 

     Well, I thought he deserved more for killing his sick cousin, but he got the maximum sentence for Municipal Court, 365 days.  I think he’s out now, back sitting on the same pile of dirty clothing. 

     For the life of me, I can’t think which cousin was the biggest loser.


whatafinegrl said...

OMGosh, you are so entertaining. You make me bust out in laughter with all the stupid people you have come across. How does your wife get anything done with you around? Too funny, thanks for sharing.

shayshaydc said...

Yep.. that's what we get... people call 911 later and say it's an emergency!!! Wonder if the guy would have lived had they called 911 right after it happened? I'm learning that some people are just plain stupid!!! Glad you went the extra mile!!!

mumma4evr said...

I had to re-read the story....were they cousins or brothers...or  maybe both????

mllevl said...

So what was wrong with Mom that it took her 2 days to call for help? Did she suffer from a mental health problem? Surely she was equally as guilty as the other guy by her failure to get the help needed.?   All very sordid.  How do you cope?

lv2trnscrb said...

maybe it was a blessing in disguise if the one cousin was in such bad health. Could have saved the state a lot of money in medical bills because I'm betting he was probably receiving some type of governmental aid. So if the other cousin is in prison for 365 days; what are the chances of him serving the entire sentence?


ally123130585918 said...

Dave cant help thinking about the Mother ~ what was wrong with her to wait so long before getting help ~ Mind with the state of both the cousins I don't think either of them had/has  much longer to serve on this earth ~ I don't think the one in prison will be sitting on that dirty laundry for too long ~ Ally ~

suzypwr said...

If he had hit the cousin back hard enough or if the mom decided to whack him with a frying pan for the assault, the idiots could be together again, arguing over who is the bigger loser.

ladeeoftheworld said...

Human beings.  Their behaviors never cease to amaze.  And killing each other over such inane reasons.  I am without words.

lacaza3 said...

poor saps.....there whole lifes suck because of there own doings...
Donna In TEXAS

psychfun said...

Ya, I thought mom too! I mean to me that is like if I don't call when I see an accident (or stop) or someone is having a heart attack! Ok, then this guy who did the punching....did he know the guy had these conditions & didn't call? I mean then that would be something but if he didn't know? I mean would I know if someone gets punched in the nose that it will effect their lung or or liver? I mean if he is bleeding out and not stopping that by itself is something but bleeding down if the guy is smoking pot & you don't know how much he is bleeding in then how do you know it is something to call about? Don't mean to defend any type of violence here...they are losers but just the idea of this. Did the guy go down unconscious? What are all the degrees of assault? I didn't even know there were different ones. GEEZ am I a bunch of questions. And with being practically asleep I'm surprised my brain is working this is working isn't it...if this really comes up a bunch of garble then you'll know why.

loverobin32 said...

Your story being simple as you probally thought just got me a pat on the back with my Criminal Justice Prof. He was wanting us to give examples of how when your lacking evidence in a case and the criminal looks like they are geting off scott free what should you do...let it go or look for another means. LOL....Thanks!!! Robin