Mommy Dearest

Sometimes, because I am a Police Officer, people assume that I should be the one to deal with their distasteful problems.

Last summer my wife and I were invited to a wedding.  The bride was a friend of our daughter; both the bride and her fiance were great kids, and we were happy to see them together.  The bride was originally from Montana, and her mother still lived there.  Mom got a ride to our city from some other people we knew, then checked herself into a hotel. 

We thought it was a bit odd when the folks who drove mom to town asked us if we would pick her up from her motel and bring her to the wedding, which was going to be in a church, 35 minutes from town.  It was no problem, so about 45 minutes before the ceremony, we stopped by the Motel 6 and picked mom up.  On the way to the church, mom started to tell us what an awful and hateful daughter she had, and how she was going to tell everyone what a horrible person she was.  She was, in fact, going to try to stop the ceremony in order to embarrass her daughter. 

It was soon apparent that we were dealing with someone suffering from what mental health professionals would diagnose as 'flippin' nuts', 'cuckoo', or just 'bananas.'  I asked her why she would travel all this way to hurt her daughter; she said it was her "motherly responsibility."  My wife, who was sitting in the back seat, came as close as she ever has to wanting to scratch someone's eyes out (even more than the time I forgot our anniversary.) 

Well, I figured that if the bride's mom was going to go bust up the wedding of these two nice kids, she could darned well find her own ride.  I turned around and started to drive her back to town, but she soon insisted that I drop her off at a mini mart by the side of the road.  As soon as she was out of the car, I asked if she wanted me to wait until she got another ride or a taxi; she said no, then started in on the freaky "I hate my daughter" stuff, so I rolled up the window and drove off while she was still ranting.  My family made it to the wedding near the end, noticing that mom walked in (she must have hitched a ride) just as the pastor was saying, "You may kiss the bride." 

After the wedding, several people, including the bride and the pastor, thanked us for abandoning mom so she could not disturb the ceremony.  My wife and I later found out that everyone but us knew that mommy was a fruit loop, and thought that having "The Cop" drive her to the wedding might fix the problem with this nutty lady.  Well... I guess they were right, however anyone could have made a decision not to drive this kook to the wedding. 

Well, I think that mom is feeling more loving toward daughter; she now hates me.  I got a letter threatening to sue me for not allowing her to make a fool of herself and ruining her daughter's wedding; that letter went to wrap fish.  A day after that, my chief called me into his office.  He showed me another letter from mom, who wrote telling him that I had threatened to assault her, kidnap her, and almost allowed her to be raped.  I started to explain, feeling a bit hot, when he put up his hand and said, "Is this lady a crazy nut case or what?"  No more explanation needed.

Anyone know a mass-murderer or bank robber that got off because of our weak justice system?  I know someone we can fix them up with... she's good looking in a late-40s-Lizzy Bordon kind of way, and I hear she's available.