Just got home from a training day. The PD here is now going to have officers trained in the use of “Tasers”. This is the thing that looks like a gun and shoots little darts, which shock you with one-point-twenty-one jigawatts of electricity. There was all the typical stuff, the history of Tasers, how much voltage, how much the darn things cost and how fast you will be out of a job if you use them wrong.
Then it was time to “experience the technology”. I know this sounds like a family trip to Space Camp, but it really is a double-speak way of saying that we are all going to have the piss shocked out of us. Some of us asked stupid questions, like; “Why”. I mean, why do we have to be shocked in order to use this equipment? “So that you know what it feels like” was the predictable answer. Wow, why didn’t I think of that? I carry a .45 caliber Sig Sauer P220 semi-auto handgun, and you know what? I don’t know what it feels like to be shot! I also carried a night stick (when I was in uniform); don’t have a clue what a whack upside the head feels like. So you can see how much I think about being lit up like a Christmas tree.
Well, got into position to be shot… whoops, sorry, can’t say "shot"… got into position to be “kinesthetically trained”. A slight "pop", indescribable pain and a thought going through my mind: TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OOOOOOOFFFFF! That was about it, no glorious flashes of insight into the universe, no bright light, just a desire for my muscles to work long enought so that I can get up and kill the instructor. I now know exactly what a moth feels when it flys too close to that weird black light on the back porch.
Will it help me do my job better? Don’t know… but I can tell you this: if I come across someone pointing one of those things at me, one of two things will happen: He will be summarily shot, or I will fall to a fetal position, quivering and crying for mommy.