Dec 18, 2004

No Excuses

When people find out I’m a cop, they often will ask me the best way to avoid getting a ticket.  I have an easy answer

 

“Don’t break any traffic laws,” I offer, which is invariably followed by a moment of confusion, then a conspiratorial wink:

 

“Oh, I see, you’re not supposed to tell people how to get out of a ticket"

 

 “No…” I reply, “…I’m happy to tell anyone that they can avoid tickets by not getting pulled over.”  Now I think that was very sage advice, but I still get looked at like I just kicked their dog:

 

“Well, if you don’t want to tell me, just say so!  Humph!” 

 

At this point someone will always step forward and share their expert (once watched “Cops” for 38 hours straight) opinion:

 

“If you cry, they won’t give you a ticket.”  That’s a laugh; I can’t count the number of tickets I turned in with tear drops on them.

 

“I just flirt with them; cops ALWAYS let a cute girl that flirts off with a warning.”  No I don’t, because then I would miss the amazing transformation from eye-lash batting to an “Exorcist” screen test, complete with demonic head-spinning when I tell them they are getting a ticket.

 

“Just tell the cops you have a communicable disease.”  After signing the ticket, I just tell them to keep the pen.

 

“I tell the cops I have diarrhea; they always let me go.”  Why would this ever work?  It’s not like its going to ruin MY upholstery.

 

There was one excuse that did work with me, and I’m happy to share it with you all.  Was working radar one afternoon when a truck came through at 54 mph in a 30 zone.  I pulled the old gentleman over and asked if he knew he was speeding.  He said that he did know he was going too fast, and was very sorry.  He then held up a his right hand and showed me two fingers, almost completely severed off and still oozing blood from the stumps.  He calmly explained it was a table saw accident and he was keen to get to the ER quickly.  I never did write him up, but drove him to the hospital instead.  

 

I suppose I’m just a big sucker for someone with an arterial bleed.

8 comments:

ikoiko33 said...

I get pulled over by my friends all of the time, because for some reason, they find it funny, and cheaper than calling on the cell phone ...

Have yet to get a ticket, and really hoping not to, as I don't want to jeopardize getting hired by the State Police!!

Great journal!!

Kasey

http://journals.aol.com/ikoiko33/TheReturnofKaseypalooza

xxlilfweak1231xx said...

i had my license for about a week... i got pulled for running a stop sign.  i told the guy i didnt see it... he asked where my glasses were...  i looked everywhere for them and couldnt find them...  and he bought it.  i didnt wear glasses...  but i would have needed a cast if i would have came home to the parents with a ticket!!! lol   ray  

plittle said...

"Damn, it's the cops! Quick, Spanky, hand me that knife." Hmmm. Can't quite see it.

I've been giving out your advice for years. I tell people I have a guaranteed system to avoid speeding tickets. They always bite. "What's your system?" I don't speed. It's really not that difficult. The one's I hate are the one's who berate a cop for pulling them over. "Why aren't you out arresting a real criminal?" Smack!
-Paul
http://journals.aol.ca/plittle/AuroraWalkingVacation/

jouell3935 said...

Yea the batting of the eyelashes never worked...and Duh, I was speeding. It amazes what I hear people do to get out of something they DID in the first place. Except we did get a nice escort to the hospital, when we were pulled over for going 95mph, I was in labor, and screaming at the hubby to slow down...I felt bad for the officer...THe hubby was in more panic than I...
LOVE the journal...
Jodi
http://journals.aol.com/jouell3935/Haveyoulostyourmind

nikki247 said...

it has been my life long dream, since I was just a little kid to be a police officer.  However, i have not yet gone into that carrer even though everything steers me that way...  Love the journal and hopefully I will learn a little more about the career I love so much...

hksm98 said...

Cute journal.  I deal with the police alot at my store.  You know shop lifters.  Sneaky bunch.  http://journals.aol.com/hksm98/vonny

jevanslink said...

I'm the annoying driver that stops when the traffic light turns yellow, drives the speed limit in the RIGHT lane on the highway, who has never used the horn except when death was imminent, and lets people switch lanes in front of me even though they're messing up my interval. How do I know this -- my pissed off passengers let me know.  "Geez, you're driving so slow!!"  "Hey, honk at that guy, he just cut in front of you!!"  "Hurry you can make the light!"  So it was with great pride that I brought home a speeding ticket to prove that I can, in fact, live on the edge. Unfortunately the judge saw through me and let me off the hook. Mainly because the seventeen year old kid in front of me was on his umpteenth citation and I was pretty much a virgin. Haaa.   Mrs. L

emabecmar said...

I have been driving for 30years, and by following the rules of the road, i have not gotten a ticket, not even a parking ticket. I am very proud of that fact.