Nov 19, 2005

Have Gun Will Travel

This last week, Detective Mendoza and I went to San Diego to pick up a murder suspect who was caught at the border.  After picking up the prisoner, we went to the airport and met with the TSA people.  These are the people who take away the nasty fingernail clippers and inspect your dirty loafers.   We presented our bona fides in order to fly on the plane while armed; this included our badges, letter from the chief, qualifications, affidavit from the Pope, testimonial from our third grade teacher, and a notarized statement promising that we would not shoot the pilot or make holes in the plane.  We were then pulled out of the long, x-raying, shoe removing, metal detecting line and taken to a by-pass room.  All was going well; the TSA guy was inspecting the paperwork and found it to be all in order (because I think my third grade teacher forgot who I was), then asked,

"So, will both you officers be traveling armed?"

I then explained to him that only I was armed, and Detective Mendoza was not, as he would be sitting next to the prisoner.  This seemed to not make any sense to the TSA guy; he said,

"So he (Mendoza) does not have a gun?"

"That is correct."

I could see the "TILT" look in this guy's mind.  

"Is there any problem?" I asked.  

Mr. rocket-scientist TSA guy replied,

"If he is not armed, he will have to go back through the inspection line."

"But, here is the proper paperwork, he COULD be armed, but is not."  

"Yes, but if he is NOT armed, he has to be inspected for dangerous items."

"But he is AUTHORIZED to carry any dangerous items!"

"But because he's NOT carrying anything dangerous, he has to be inspected."

I thought about arguing further, but I suddenly remembered that I was dealing here with a federal employee (no offense intended FBI, DEA, US Marshals, Homeland Security and military).  I kept my mouth shut, told Mendoza I would see him on the other side, and thought that perhaps it was me that had the problem.  After Mendoza and the TSA guy left the room, my prisoner looked at me said,

"That's the stupidest thing I ever heard of!"  

Well, we made it back alright; my shoes still smelled, and no one maliciously trimmed my fingernails... I should not complain too much.


shadierush said...

The first real smile I've had in days! Thank you SO much for the story.

missundazstood58 said...

  You are to much I am laughing so hard tears are flowing as I do love the way you write with so much humor behind it all.           Patty Ann

jevanslink said...

Too bad you didn't qualify for one of those hand patdown searches. LA airport gives new meaning to up close and personal. At least you could have had a smile on your face afterward.  Mrs. L

sdoscher458 said...

First time to read you and boy you are funny. I'm still laughing. This little ole grandma (me) got pulled off the line to be checked - it seems the culprit was my underwire bra! Good lord didn't know I was wired!....Sandi

monponsett said...

I made the guy who searched me buy me dinner afterwards.

No pay, no play... even at JFK, in the name of Homeland Secur-ee-tay.

jeannieclaire said...

Thanks for sharing your stories! Funny. My hubby works for a security and private investigation firm and there are always interesting stories to tell when working for the law!

psychfun said...

LMAO! Oh I'm in tears! My stomach hurts from laughing! I scared the cats with my laughing & the guy upstairs probably added to his list of the "crazy blonde woman downstairs!" HA!

The criminal even gets this...does that say soooo much! Why do we have people like this working to protect us!? Can't you like write a letter to Bush or someone on crazy this is? Oh wait...they are federal too so...Ha! Makes sense then why this gentleman was put in that position in the first place!

Well, I totally agree on you being selected for Guest Editor. Congrats! I'll have the alert on. I need the laugter! HA! Now, this just proves to me why I have to make sure my college students critically think. This is exactly what I don't want them doing!

sunnyside46 said...

I am feeling your pain...try dealing with FEMA here on the Gulf Coast

birthgoddess1 said...

Wow!! The stupidity of the TSA makes my brain bleed.

jillannemarie said...

LMAO!  I was just reading the guest editor picks and came to read about your adventures.

Clicked the little red heart and added you to my million other favorite journals that I don't get enough time to read.

Have a good one!

jac260 said...

Don't feel bad I work with DHS. Because I have a one way ticket bought by
DHS my id's say DHS the shirt I am wearing says DHS I get the works in front
of everybody. So I can feel your pain of wonder.

ladeeoftheworld said...

The TILT sign in his eyes............LOL!  I've seen that guy.....

dayz7777777 said...

Welcome to the real world ! LOL

applesinsnow said...

 Too  cool dude !   This is  enjoyable  stuff  and  I Shall  return !! Keep it up !
                                                             Happy  day  ~ Abby

meangirl61073 said...

Is this really true????Absolutely unbeleivable.Love your sarcastic sense of humor!!!

pokrfaz said...

This is your rifle . . .
This is your gun.

This is for fightin'
This is for gettin' on board without an enormous hassle (unless Ms. Fox remembers who you are)!  LOL!

newhope8 said...

Thanks for Your Interesting ( & funny ) stories,Dave. A Friend of mine listens to the Police scanner all the time. (Somehow, she manages to be on the computer, have Cable TV on & Listens to the Scanner ; all @ once. i couldn't do that, it'd drive me nuts...oh Yeay---i already i forwarded Your Journal to Her. i think she'll enjoy It. (My ,beginnings < @ Blogs : Possible Dream ; welcome to my world ,everyBody)

wildchild69err said...

ummm i dont get the story but i still think its kewl that u r a sniper and prtect people so thx guy

nandrgay said...

Another example of our system at work......don't get me wrong...I have much respect for the law and the officers that put themselves on the line every day. I just cannot understand some of the stupid things I see or hear. That guy sounds like he needs a long vacation somewhere. Everyone needs to be so careful after all this country has experienced and you guys handled this situation with alot of class. I couldn't have done Take care and God bless you all.

ally123130585918 said...

You are so funny - They say laughter makes the world go round you are passing on lots of it.... thanks for that Dave, even the prisoner could see how stupid it all was....hahaha.....Ally

yakima127 said...

Unbelievable!  JAE